


Wish

by TheEigthPillarGeneral



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Late at Night, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 15:53:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13767450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEigthPillarGeneral/pseuds/TheEigthPillarGeneral
Summary: While contemplating how Byakuya would be if he'd grown up in Inuzuri, Renji finds himself pining for him.





	Wish

_What if Captain Kuchiki had grown up in Inuzuri?_

The thought struck Renji like a failed attempt at Shakkaho, so sudden and strong that it promptly took over his mind, thus distracting him from sleep. He rolled onto his side, staring at the moon that shone through the windows as he became lost in his thoughts.

Indeed, what would his captain be like if he’d grown up in Inuzuri, instead of being born into the Kuchiki Clan?

Renji closed his eyes and tried to imagine a young Byakuya in Inuzuri. So many possibilities existed.

Byakuya could’ve grown up with him and Rukia, helping them steal food and water to survive. He could’ve played games of futsal with Renji and his group in the dusty streets of Inuzuri, or gone fishing in the river with them. He could’ve chewed on tree bark, pretending that it was meat when the hunger was really bad and they were scarce on food. He could’ve been as rebellious and volatile as Renji had been, and still was. His speech would’ve been laced with a heavy Inuzuri accent like Renji’s own speech. In fact, Byakuya would’ve helped Rukia and Renji bury their friends and gone to the Academy with them.

Speaking of that...

Would he and Byakuya be equal if they’d grown up in Inuzuri together? Renji remembered how Rukia was easily able to create a ball of spiritual energy while he himself had struggled. Unfortunately, Byakuya probably would’ve had the same success as Rukia, considering his level right now.

They could be equal in a way, Renji supposed. After all, Byakuya would probably be a bit more empathetic to his Inuzuri days. There would be no distance between them, no feelings of worthlessness, and definitely no class difference that shaped Byakuya’s behaviour towards him. It would be nice to have a captain that treated him as a friend when needed, Renji thought. In fact, Byakuya probably would’ve helped Renji in rescuing Rukia, since he wouldn’t be bound by any aristocratic duties. There would’ve been no duel, Renji wouldn’t have felt any hatred for Byakuya, he wouldn’t have been nearly sliced to pieces by Senbonzakura Kageyoshi and left to die in the streets... 

_"Shall I tell the difference between you and I? It’s like the story of the monkey and the moon... Your blade will never be able to reach me. Ever.”_

Renji frowned as Byakuya’s cold words cut through his mind, reminding him of the reality. Who was he trying to fool? All those possibilities meant nothing compared to the greater one in his mind!

If Byakuya had grown up in Inuzuri, then surely, loving him wouldn’t feel so painful as it felt right now. There would be no need for all this pain.

No need for this unbearable distance. No need to feel devalued and tortured for loving a man who deserved much more. No need to be afraid that Byakuya would scorn him for his affections. Byakuya was peerless. Compared to him, Renji was like a stray dog, willing to be hurt for the slightest affection. If Byakuya had grown up in Inuzuri, then Renji could be everything he deserved. He wouldn’t have to feel so ashamed for loving him, and neither would he feel afraid of making his feelings known.

Renji sighed. Was he a masochist or something? Why did he do this to himself? Why was he always going after someone way beyond him? Did Byakuya even know of the effect he had? Did he know how much he meant to Renji? Hell, did he even know that Renji had tried so hard to fall  _out_  of love with him?

But that was how it was always going to be. Renji would forever be a stray dog, barking and howling at a moon that would forever be far away. His fangs may have reached him, but it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t enough.

And he would never be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> This thought hit me and refused to leave until I wrote it out. I may write something from Byakuya's POV one day. Let me know how I did :) Have a good one!


End file.
